Not much gives me more satisfaction than a well-placed movie quote.  I mean, what’s better than using a quote (1) in a situation where the quote is apt (2) with someone who will recognize and appreciate the quote?

I was able to experience this satisfaction recently.  Dad was trying on his new bike helmet, and as he fastened the clip under his chin, he accidentally pinched a little bit of his skin.  He let out a small exclamation, and I was able to use the quote, “Do you hafta klip the schkin?”

What’s that you’re saying?  You don’t know what that quote is from?  Well, gentle readers, if you haven’t watched much Sid Caesar before, it’s time you got started.  Sid Caesar was a comedian and actor from the early days of TV.  He was a cast member on several TV variety/sketch comedy shows which laid the foundation for our modern-day Saturday Night Live and MadTV.  The big difference is that the Sid Caesar stuff is consistently funny, good, and wholesome.

Here’s the sketch that my quote was from:

I have never watched a complete episode of the show Felicity.  It was on while I was in high school, but other than some vague impressions about the premise (it’s about a college-aged girl – with extremely curly hair – and her relationships), I didn’t pay much attention.

One day back while it was still on TV, I was channel surfing, and I landed on Felicity.  For some reason, I watched the show for a few minutes… long enough to see one of my favorite TV moments ever:

One of the guy characters was feeling blue and he decided to just give in and wallow in his depression.  He turned out the lights in his dorm room, turned on his CD player, laid down on his bed, and sang (howled?) along with R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts.“  Something about that moment is so very true – though I’ve never actually tried this method of dealing with gloominess.

I’m currently feeling a little… restless.  I wouldn’t exactly call it depressed, but I’m kind of in a funk.  (Please don’t worry about me, I’ll pull through.)  My mind is turning in circles trying to figure out how to shake this feeling, and it struck me that maybe I could turn on some R.E.M. and start singing along.

Then I remembered I have roommates, and that would probably not be a good idea.

…you cut your finger, clean it, put on some Neosporin, and pause to brush your hair before putting on a bandaid.

Oh, and the bandaid you put on is “Twilight” themed.

Every week at Awana, Commander Keith (aka my Dad) tells a joke to the clubbers.  Usually, he’ll start out by saying, “I have a very important question for you tonight.”  He proceeds to set up the joke and ask the joke’s question (“Why didn’t the moon want any lunch?” or “Why did the racecar driver buy lettuce at the grocery store?”).  The kids, after hearing the first half of the joke, are desperate to answer.  Hands shoot into the air, and they do that dancey, bouncy, arm wiggley motion.  Dad then says, “Well, we’ll come back to that in a minute,” and tells the Bible story for the night.  After the lesson has been taught, he re-asks the question and allows a few kids to try and answer the joke.  They usually have pretty amusing guesses, but they’re wrong 99% of the time.  Finally, he’ll answer the question (“Because it was a full moon!”  or “Because he wanted to get a head!”).  I usually have about six or seven clubbers turn to me after the joke and say, “What?  I don’t get it.”  Which means I have to explain the joke.

Recently, Dad has been having joke challenges.  Clubbers have been coming to him with jokes of their own, so he sets it up that he’ll tell a joke, and one student challenger will tell a joke, and the clubbers “vote” (by applause) for which one they like better.  Dad always seems to lose the popular vote, but he takes it pretty well. 

ANYWAY, all of that was backstory.  Now on to the real reason for the post.  Here were the two jokes fom last night:

1.  A bunch of symphony instruments were stranded on a desert island.  They happened to find a treasure chest buried in the sand, but it was locked.  How did they get it open?  (The piano had keys!)

2.  What do Kentucky Fried Chicken, an ear of corn, and the US Army have in common?  (They all have colonels/kernels!)

I was chatting with a pair of brothers after Awana was over.

Younger brother:  “Which joke did you like better?”

Me:  “I liked the one about the musical instruments.”

YB [to older brother]:  “Which one did YOU like better?”

OB:  “You tell me first.”

YB:  “No.”

OB:  “He never chooses until I do first.”

YB [thoughtfully]:  “Which one is more godly?”

—————

*A stick!! (This is my favorite joke ever, and it’s funny with every demographic.  Go ahead, try it out.  Thank me later.)

Today the maintenance guys came to our duplex to do some painting and repairs.  Don’t get me wrong – I am totally thankful for these guys and very glad that they’re willing to come and fix up my house… but I just have to share.

I was home to greet them this morning, but I left and they worked in our empty home today.  When I got home this evening, my roommate pointed at the note they left, which indicated that they’d be back tomorrow to finish up.  I happened to glance at the back of the note, and realized that it was from this pad of bunny paper that I had in my bedroom (which is the only bedroom on the first floor, thus closest to the rooms where repairs were being done).

“What?  This is from my room.  They had to go into my room to get this piece of paper,” I said.

“Yeah, well they just went into the closest room.  Was your door open?”

“Yes, but they didn’t ask.  It’s the principle of the thing.  If they wanted to go into my room, I totally would have said yes… but it’s a little strange that they just went in.”

“Well, they needed paper, I guess.”

“Yeah, I guess.”  I paused, then said, “Well, I notice that they avoided using the bunny side of the paper.  They went for the plain white side.  But they wrote it in purple pen.  Hey, that’s my pen, too!!”

Anyway.  I know this is not a big deal, but it’s just funny to me that they felt free enough to do that.  I thought of this Norman Rockwell painting:

I was listening to one of my Pandora.com radio stations.  Which one?  Well, um… okay, fine, it was my ’80s station.  I confess, I enjoy songs like “Take On Me,” “Head Over Heels,” or “Any Way You Want It.”

Anyway, when “Take My Breath Away” came on, I rolled my eyes and almost just skipped to the next song, but I paused as I remembered something from junior high.

My friend Meghan and I were making a (funny-on-purpose) list of ways to tell a guy you like him.  Meghan came up with the best idea ever.

1) Call up a guy.

2) When he answers the phone, don’t identify yourself.  Just start singing “Take My Breath Away.”

3) The next day at school when you see him, don’t say anything, but quietly start humming “Take My Breath Away…” and let him figure it out.

Eh?  Eh?  Pretty good scheme, huh?  Is it too late for me to give this a shot?

…AWANA quotes!!

I’ve been teaching Sparks 3 (2nd graders) on Wednesday nights this year, and I’ve enjoyed myself immensely.  Unfortunately, the Cubbies (3 and 4 year olds) teachers were shorthanded tonight, so I was chosen to substitute in there.

I laughed out loud when one Cubby said to another:

“Keep your hands to yourself or I will pound you.”

Okay, which is better?

How about this one?

Clue-giver:  “If you’re a lazy parent, you might drop your kids off in…”

Guesser 1:  “An orphanage!”

Guesser 2:  “Preschool!”

Guesser 3:  “Nebraska!”

—————–

Clue-giver:  “This guy shoots people with arrows and makes them fall in love.”

Guessers 1, 2, and 3 in unison:  “Robin Hood!”